Me

There must be somthing
wrong with me.
i want to fix it
and us just be.
There's not even
an us anymore
it's like you're gone
and i'm on the floor.
Is there someone
else in your life?
they took my place,
won the fight?
But i didn't
even get to swing,
in a song
not a note would i sing.
I'm lost, wishing you
could open up
tell me whats wrong
we'll fix this stuff.
I look into
you're eyes and wonder
if you think of me
or is there another?
When i close my eyes
you are what i see
what happens for you,
do you see me?

Never enough

Just got home
from that work place
where i do crap
with a smile on my face.
It's all a lie
it's not true,
truth be told
I'm feeling blue.
Tired of all
of the being sore,
taking a beating
every time i go out a door.
All i do now
seems to be, is write.
i guess its better
than getting in a fight.
Sometimes i want
to really do
just what I'm
not suppose to.
Just bite the bullet
take the heat
fall to the ground
admit defeat.
But I'll never give up,
ever will i stand,
one day I'll join
that heavenly band.
I'm done worrying
about who or what
no ifs and or or's
not even a but.
Even though
i like talking to you
i have things
that i have to do.
Don't worry
I'm still here,
don't you even
shed a tear.
I'll never leave you
don't say good bye
it's the last thing
i want this time.
I'll keep doing
the best i can
never enough
are words i don't understand.

9:35 PM, just got home from work tonight. Monday March 30, 2009

Patience

Leaving town
getting away
one with nature
outside just to play
Surrounded by
your beauty
thinking of
your majesty
Under the stars
the moon and sky
dreams of you
just floating by
The grass is greener
on the other side?
No. it's more green
with you in my life
I know everything
happens for a reason
things change
in every season
One thing stays contstant
one thing always true
no matter what
i'm thinking of you..
On this trip
I didn't get a lot of sleep
but you in my heart
i always did keep
I'm getting close
to home now
i'm off the stage
taken my final bow
Some say i'm good
at telling how i feel
i don't know about that
i just try to keep it real
I still have questions
in my mind
like what will happen
over time
I guess we just
have to wait and see
give it up
and let it be.

i wrote this at 3:16 PM on the bus ride home from Savanna on Saturday March 28, 2009

Peace Love and Happiness

When you're here
and I'm there
i cant help but
to think and stare
As i lay
here in bed
wishing i were
with you instead
Music running
through my mind
it happens like this
almost every time
Cameras flash
we smile or say hello
but in reality
it's all a show
Cause you and i
both can tell
that when they smile
they want to yell
I've been thinking
a lot about peace
and just what
it really means
To truly love
to actually see
to not be blind*
to be set free
When i think of peace
i think of you
you showed me its real
showed me its true
So this goes to you
you know who you are
i don't need to say
it's not that far
It's quite close
from me to thee
not a foot away
like it needs to be
I'm working on
being better every day
thinking of you
helps along the way
I'm really glad
you're in my life
thanks so much
sweet dreams; good night

i wrote this at 1:55 AM, laying in bed of the hotel in Savanna the morning of Saturday March 28, 2009

Summary ( a lenghty one, but still a summary)

These past couple of days have been a roller coaster of emotion. Let me guide you through my adventure. Wednesday morning 3 am i wake up and go to Whataburger with some friends before the jazz trip to Savanna Georgia. At 4 am we get on the bus and head on out of town. We arrive in Savanna around 3 and things were going fairly well. We had a clinic with some pretty awesome jazz players such as my dad Wyclef Gordon. He's so raw at trombone. Yes i got his autograph and i stood next to him in the bath room!!! Sweetness i say! But, continuing on, Thursday comes around and we have a concert by a river and we played very well. It was super windy, but we did well none the less. That afternoon we had a session with some of the judges of the big competition that we were there for and they had only good things to say. Friday is here. Competition day. We do our set on the big stage in front of everyone and we owned. Played our hearts out. Best show I've ever put on. Later on that day they announce who made the top 3. Sadly we weren't one of them so i was pretty let down. Friday night we heard the top 3 bands, the ones that beat us, and i wasn't impressed. I was pretty livid that we got beat by them when clearly we were the more superior band. We should have at least been 3rd place. Then all the judges put on a show for us entitled Battle Royal. It featured trumpets dueling which was cool as well as saxes, trombones, basses, piano, and drums. It was a very good show. I was highly impressed. We left the hotel this morning at 8 am and headed home. I was ready to be home, and I'm glad i am now. While in Savanna i wrote some poetry that I'm thinking about posting. I'm not sure if i should or not yet, or if i want to. We shall see. That's it for the moment. Peace..

EXPLODE

I have so much to say, no one to say it too. if i don't get this out i'm gunna blow up big time. it's not gunna be pretty. uh. i need to talk to someone. someone soon. like in less than 7 hours. thats when i leave for georgia. well i eat breakfast in 6 so.... i just need to talk to someone fast. taxting would be ok, but preferably on the phone. i could get everything out much fatster that way.. uhhh!! so much on my mind, and its not about girls, well just a little bit is, bu mostly its about work and the dumb parents and wii and just stuff. kfhewkrhcfn;odsricghlasf thats how i feel. i'm about to ............................ *BOOM*

The near future

The future ahead
looks pretty bright
we'll see what happens
as i walk towards the light

I don't know
don't really care
what happens now
as long as you're there

I walk along
all of my days
thinking of you
in multiple ways

You look so cute
you always do
i dress nice
hoping to impress you

Sometimes you notice
othertimes you don't
i long to be with you
for some reason you won't

You won't open up
you won't let me in
I'm trying to help
you say i'm your friend

I just care
more than you know
sometimes my feelings
come out and show

I can't hide it
its bursting inside me
to try and hide it
i work out and play wii

things will be ok
they will be soon
maybe not now
hopefully by noon

General life

The single life
the life i now live
i have to face it
this is how it is

Sometimes it hurts
othertimes it doesn't
Most of the time
i wish that it wasn't

That it wasn't real
It were all i lie
That i had less pain
no reason to cry

But thats not true
not true at all
The truth be told
all i do is fall

Fall away and
fall down
fall on my face
like a pie hitting a clown

"Just friends"
seems like a curse
"just for now"
that would be a first

"Lets take a break"
they always say
but time goes on
day after day

It's never a break
it's over for good
You're leavin
i knew you would

You never know
how you feel
can't tell which
emotions are real

I need to know
what to do
do i go for her
or wait for you

I already know
who to choose
i just hope
you i don't loose

I'll end up
being the fool
you'll still
be all cool

I wish college
were here
i'm ready for
all 4 years

We'll just see
what happens though
what will come,
i'm waiting to know

This Weekend

So this weekend was the church retreat. It was so much fun. I bonded a lot with everyone and just overall, good, wholesome, fun. =] No regrets =] Anyone want some coffee?? hahahahaha

Coming soon

So the retreat starts tomorrow and i couldn't be more stoked. I'm loving Sean, Big D, Kayla, my boy - Seth, Hallah, Rachel, Ryan, Chris, Deanna, Corey, Sarah and everyone really (don't feel left out if i didn't specifically mention your name, i was just thinking of people off the top of my head. I love our WHOLE group tons! ) Our youth group is awesome. I'm just ready for the retreat and to continue to be the real Blake Pinney.

End of story.

Will the real Blake Pinney please stand up?

The real Blake :

1. isn't cocky
2. doesn't play on an actual sports team
3. is kind of a looser
4. is shy
5. thinks he's not attractive
6. doesn't have a big ego
7. plays video games
8. writes poetry
9. lifts weights to get out anger
10. enjoys dressing nice
11. tries to fit in
12. loves God with all of his heart
13. tries to please everyone, even if it hurts him in the process
14. thinks saggy pants are strange
15. likes the color purple
16. enjoys reading for pleasure
17. isn't open with everyone
18. is scared often
19. doesn't mind crying
20. is a lover not a fighter
21. stands up for his beliefs
22. is athletic, but hardly ever gets to use his talents
23. is in band, and not a nerd
24. only drinks water and juices; occasionally Tiger Gatorade
25. is really big into health
26. likes baths
27. enjoys candles and soft music
28. prefers mac over pc
29. tries too hard
30. texts a lot, but most of his messages are short
31. isn't a player
32. wishes he was better at guitar
33. wants to be taller
34. is an Auburn fan no matter what
35. should read his bible more
36. needs to be patient
37. is bad at choosing
38. has eyes that change colors on their own
39. doesn't hate, maybe dislike very strongly, but not hate
40. likes to cook
41. wears his heart on his sleeve
42. listens to many different types of music
43. loves to play jazz music on his trombone
44. should practice trombone more
45. is a bit lazy sometimes
46. loves his king size water bed
47. can be a morning person when he wants to be
48. is glad he has really good friends
49. loves protein
50. enjoys watching sunsets

The real Blake has a big heart and it gets hurt often, but it's okay because he's strong through God. He longs to be more Christ like, and everyday is a battle against Satan. Blake is learning everyday how to defend himself for the life long battle against sin. The real Blake needs prayers and is praying for everyone else who prays for him.

Old poems of mine i like =] part 2

I can't sleep

All I can do is write

I go through this life

Longing for a flight


A trip or vacation

From all the beings

That are in this world

And all that I'm seeing


I try to get away

But I always fail

Wishing this is all a lie

Or just a fairytale


But it always is true

N' wounds heal over time

But I'm so sick

Of all the crime


People hating people

Death everywhere

All I can do is look

Not blink, just stare


Fighting is wrong

We really need peace

But we act like mad dogs

Let off the leash


Look to God

That is the key

We all need his grace

Especially me

Old poems of mine i like =] part 1

When I felt like falling
You were there to catch me
When I felt like crying
You were there to hold me

You were always there for me
And I'm always here for you
When we're feeling sad or glad
When we feel orange or if we feel blue

At this moment in time
I'm feeling sad
I don't know why.
I'm not really mad.

Things in life
Are pretty good
You treated me
Just like you should

I need to cheer up
And put on a smile
Come on over baby
And please, stay a while.

Come on over
And make me glad
Tell me so I'll know
You're the best thing I ever had

I never really could
Stop thinking of you
You were always on my mind
Yeah. It's true.

I don't really know
What else to do or say
So I guess this is it
God, lead the way.

Anger and Pain

The thing i struggle with most
is that I'm constantly mad
I'd like to give it to my host
and just be happy, be glad.

I feel consumed with pain
constantly angry and sore
until i hear her name
then i close the door.

Sometimes i hide this
other times i let it show
why can't i feel bliss
and look to God and grow?

I know i have people who care
someone to tell everything to
friends that are always there
people who can get me through.

I don't know what to say
it happens all the time
i can't help but be this way
eventually I'll be fine.

Things will go back
to how they should be
a small smile I'll crack
and maybe be able to see.

I can't wait till tomorrow
go to church and sing
there will be no sorrow
anger i will not bring.

I'll give it up at the altar
my anger will finally cease
Pray not to falter
and God, let me have peace.



it's in ABAB even though i like AABB more, but i thought i'd switch it up, i'm feeling froggy, so when in rome.

No name

I have work today from 4-8 that'll be fun. It's the first time I've worked all week. I was suppose to work Wednesday, but i really wanted to come to church so i got my boy josh to cover my shift. I was suppose to work yesterday but i had a band thing i had to do, so i couldn't work then either, so today is my first day back at work. My paycheck is gunna be small ha. Lame. It's all good though.
I'm playing tiger woods golf right now on my wii and it's pretty ballin. I love golf. I haven't played in a couple of days so I'm a bit rusty, but I'm still kickin butt. Hmmmm.
I'm pretty ready for church tomorrow and i'm really excited about our spring retreat. It's gunna be so sweet. I love Sean and our whole group. I'm bored now.. Haha. No but seriously.
Kiss me through the phone = great song. Just sayin. I like it. If you don't, uh, well, too bad.
=P
I'm reading Wild at Heart again just because i liked it a lot the first time i read it a couple of years ago. I've forgotten how much i like it and what a great book it is.
More to come later. =]

my song

i wrote this about a month ago and i really like it. it's called you're gone. i'm still working on the guitar part . i'm not that great but hey perfect practice makes perfect. ha. anyway err i mean spamoni, here she is:

It’s like every time
I turn around
To look into your eyes
You’re gone.

I want this to last
But I don’t know how long
I can keep this up.
When you choose your friends
Over being with me
You talk to your parents
But they won’t see

You can’t go out
I can’t come over
You ask again, they say
Maybe when you’re older

It’s like every time
I turn around
To look into your eyes
You’re gone

Its ok baby
I understand
I just want you to
To hold my hand

I wish you were here
By my side.
I couldn’t forget you
Even if I tried

You’re on my mind
All of the time

And every time
I turn around
To look into your eyes
You’re gone

But maybe one day
Things will go along
And I will write
Us another song

And you will be here
Just like you should
You’ll say I love you
Like I knew you would

You can go out
And I can come over
You ask your parents
They say now that you’re older

So next time I go
And turn around
To look into your eyes
You won’t be gone

Baby please don’t be gone…


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~....~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you ask real nice, and i'm feeling good, maybe i'll sing it for you. Maybe. =]

Blah

I'm doing chemistry homework and it's not fun. i sit here and type but i keep getting distracted. This paper is due tonight which stinks. Thoughts of her float around in my mind as if they were ice cream in a rootbeer float. Mmmm that sounds good right now. Ice cream. =] ha. But for reals this stinks. More later.

Problem in P-town

As i lay around today, i stumbled upon an epiphany. Pimps have plenty of girls. Multiple at one time. But what if this pimp falls for one of his girls? What is he to do with all of the other girls following him around? When this pimp is use to tons of girls around him all the time can he really give up the life of a "playa" just for that one girl. She is so pretty and everything a guy could ask for in a girl. Is that pimp really gunna give up all the glamour just to be with this one girl when he could have twelve?