i don't know.

as i begin to write, i don't know what may come out. i don't even know if I'm going to post this.. idk exactly anything anymore.. girls just give me trouble and honestly are too much work right now. I'm single at the moment, and for now, but yeah i date a lot i guess, i like being together with someone. being in a relationship. i like being loved. being kissed. being held tight in someones arms. sweet scent of perfume. i like all the pros of being with a girl. just the whole being tied down thing is what I'm not wanting. idk.. maybe its not even that. because when i really want to i can devote myself to one person only. people say i have too many girls. yea. i probably do have to many. i can't help it. i don't know how to get girls out of my life. to get them to stop liking me. even if i don't like them back.. i could talk about girls forever... they just are confusing.. nuff said. I've been getting pretty angry lately and i don't like it. its one of my weaknesses for sure. my parents just set me off sometimes and i get mad and i blow up. like over something so little. i can't control my emotions. its like I'm not even in control of me anymore, i mean I'm not in control God is. but it just feels weird. I've gotten so many mixed emotions within me idk what to do.. its my Sr year and I'm gunna have fun as much as i can. i want this year to be special. not just another year in high school. this is one of the best years of my life or its suppose to be lol. band is going well. just gotta get my work done and step up. weight lifting is kicking my butt. i should be a lot stronger than i am now. I'm pretty upset that I'm not as strong as i should be to win a lot for weight lifting. i just gotta do work and get big. idk. life is going mediocre right now and i want things to improve. i know a lot of people have a way worse life than me. i just want mine to be better. because i know it could be. idk how, but i know it just could be. oh oh oh! i totally saw two rainbows yesterday!! they were beautiful one giant one with a smaller yet still big one under it. it was spectacular =) but back to reality i guess. ha. oh and real quick, ballerina. toothbrush, left hand, oops. that was random =) ha anyway tomorrow is a brand new day. and I've decided to take life slow and drink it all in. like cherry Dr pepper. its got a kiss of cherry flavor. bahaha anyway. my mood has progressively got better from writing. hmmm.. i guess i will post this. idk..