idc if you read this

because no one ever is on blogger anymore idc if anyone reads this. i just dont have anyone to talk to so i'm writing...
its all just so stupid i know. and it hurts constantly. but i want it so badly and i dont see why i cant have it. why things just dont go how i think they should.. God is in control and his will is being done i know... but i just wonder what his plans for me are...who he has in store to be with forever. who he wants me to meet.. who he is changing me into. ]. its all complicated and i'm tired of my life as it is now. i'm tired of being in highschool. i'm tired of being in florida. i'm done with all the drama of pensacola. i want nothing to do with anyone who doesnt really care about me and is going to lie to my face and say they do. i'm tired of this junk. all of it is filling my life. keeping me out of focus. i'm not focused on God as much as i should be.. and maybe that is why all of this is happening. idk... i feel like if things do turn out how i would like then i could still focus on God. but maybe not. maybe i'd be so caught up in myself and me getting what i want that i'd neglect God..
i feel like the more and more i go on, the less people like me. the fewer friends i have. i know i'm not in this world to be liked and i'm going to have people hate me just as people hated Jesus but what about the 12. his best friends. where is my 12? i want to have that support group when i'm down. i want 12 really awesome people always there for me.
idk. whatever.. its just getting old. the same junk in my life. same sins i'm faced with. the same issues going on in the world around me. the same stuff. i want something new. i want something new....